…and THIS IS IT!
A thousand monographs, rants, comedic observations and the occasional story – spread over eight years and three columns. Corny, Morphy and The Dame (reflective, general and edgy).
It was Copleston High’s Head Of English, Max Page, who taught me how to write proper. But unfortunately, during my last year, he was replaced by a series of dopey supply teachers, because of his misadventures with attractive lads in the library stock room.
Apparently I was too butch for him – lucky me.
But over the previous four years, the man taught me a LOT about creative writing – which, twenty-five years later, I discovered I had retained.
So why had I not used that knowledge for a quarter-century?
Well, having dropped out of the educational system to indulge in the late Sixties (and yes, I did inhale) I had assumed that one needed at least a degree in English to obtain employment as a writer – so my life had led elsewhere.
Of course, today things are different. In My Day, you would NEVER see a grammatical error in a newspaper, magazine or book piece written by a professional – whereas today, such errors are commonplace. Small wonder print journalism is in the crapper.
Anyhoo, back in the early Nineties, out of nowhere, I was persuaded to write a BOOK. And shortly afterwards, having joined Mensa, I was further persuaded to take over a SIG. Suddenly, I was a WRITER!
I edited and wrote half the SIG’s material (in a variety of styles) for about five years. Then I retired to the Orient, where for a few years, my creative writing was only seen in letters to friends.
But then came my relationship with the Interweb.
I had previously dismissed the medium as nerd hell – which it was – but during the mid-aughts (around 2005) it began to get interesting.
However, what pushed me online (or as I prefer to call it – “on the air”) was a need for better communication with my Old Country. So eventually, in 2008, I succumbed.
Initially, I wrote new pieces AND reworked the best of my SIG material (in THREE styles, in three columns – echoing my technique with the SIG).
Then, having run out of earlier material, I concentrated solely on NEW stuff.
As I have often opined, no-one READS any more – thus I only get a hit about every fifteen minutes – as opposed to my audio-visual uploads, which glean a THOUSAND hits during the same period.
But while those A/V pieces are currently cruising towards 200 MILLION hits – my written stuff has still garnered around 200 THOUSAND – which is not to be sneezed at (an unfortunate turn of phrase, considering I am currently nursing a VICIOUS dose of the ‘flu’).
So I will bang on regardless. As with the World’s wealth and my A/V uploads, about half my hits for this verbiage are earned by about 1% of the pieces.
Which means that perhaps YOU are the only human being who will ever read this. You’re welcome.