Many years ago, this author wrote a book called “Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask)” – it sold millions.
Actually, that was David Reuben. Mine was called “Love, Sex and Relationships – the whole damn thing in a book” – it sold hundreds.
Currently, you can purchase a used copy of this book from Amazon for only $347 – plus post. Really? I have seventy-odd copies left – I wonder how much they would give me for those?
Anyhoo, you can view an updated and expanded version of the book for FREE, at…
…with my compliments.
And in that book I opined that it was absurd that no word existed for a person with whom one lives as if married – but is not.
Given that almost all the citizens of the Developed World begin their adult lives in this state, why is it that only EUPHEMISMS exist for it?
My book offers the following…
INTRODUCING YOUR… WHAT?
Why is it that we have dozens of words for “husband” and “wife” – but none for the person we live with – but are not married to?
Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Hardly appropriate if you are middle-aged.
Common-law-husband/wife? Sterile – and a pseudo-legal term.
Lover? Sweet – but it makes you sound like Lady Chatterley and Mellors.
Man/Woman? Too “Porgy And Bess”.
Partner? Well, it is a term I have used often in this dissertation – but only because there is nothing ELSE. It is a cold, formal term – and a confusing one if you happen to have a BUSINESS partner (straight men have been known to check into hotels with male business partners – and find they have been given the Bridal Suite).
No, a NEW word is LONG overdue – and I have it. The word is – “AFFINE”.
Dictionary definitions vary, but the basic thrust of the word will do: one with whom you have an affinity. And after the hash that has been made of other P.C. words – bachelorette, Ms., etc. – it would be nice to see a word that applies to MILLIONS of modern people take off. Use it, spread it, disseminate it – with my blessing.
… but thus far, I have still to hear it used.
So let us try again with another. Possibly the MOST euphemised (it’s a word) thing – is the common-or-garden toilet.
Even THAT word is euphemistic (still a word) – originally meaning one’s morning wash-and-brush-up – as are all other descriptive terms.
Lavatory; again, originally referred to washing.
Bathroom; an American euphemism – “Where is your bathroom?” “You want a BATH?”
Loo, WC and others – all water-related.
Facility; could mean ANYTHING.
Crapper, bog, khazi and other slang terms. Of these, only crapper has any validity; Thomas Crapper was a major manufacturer of toilets (although contrary to popular belief, he did not INVENT them) – whose name is unrelated to the WORD “crap” – which predates him by centuries.
So once again it falls to yours truly to come up with something.
Hopefully it will fare better than “affine”.
This time I submit…