The ACTUAL principle is, “If you put a penny in a jar after each time you have made love during the first THREE years of a relationship and then thereafter take a penny OUT after each time – the jar will never empty”.
But thanks to several websites – and the TV series “Mad Men” – this principle has become utterly skewed.
In most versions, the three years have become one.
And in other version, the pennies are put in the jar before a couple MARRY – then removed afterwards.
However, neither of these formats have any sort of validity.
The “average” couple makes love around 120 times a year – a bit more than twice a week. Now, if this is an average over the first ten years, it does not take a mathematical genius to work out that the couple would have to make love more than 1,200 times, during that first year, for the principle to hold good.
And allowing for “period breaks” that would come out to around 4.4 times a day. Unlikely. Even more unlikely is the prospect of a couple running out of juice after just ten years.
No. Assuming they stayed sexually active for forty years – and assuming an average of just ONCE a week over that time – then, deducting those period breaks, we arrive at a figure of 1,560.
And pushing THAT number into one year (again, allowing for period breaks) gives us a figure of about 5.7 times a day – plus you need a HIGHER figure, for the Penny Jar Principle to apply.
SIX times a day? EVERY day, for three weeks in each four? No way, José.
On the other hand, if the jar is filled for THREE years…
Me and my lady made love (for 20-40 minutes each time) more than twice a day, for the first two years – around 15 times a week. That is 585 times a year (still allowing for those breaks – although even then, we would still do SOMETHING). 120 times a year? Phooey!
And for the next two years, we still managed it around ten times a week – 390, for both years.
Then we began to slow down. Once-a-night for the next two. 273 each.
Finally, for the last two years, we managed about 4 times a week – 156 per year (still above that “average”).
Which means that during those eight years, we did it around 2,808 times.
But applying the Penny Jar Principle, we arrive at a figure of 1,560 for the first three years – and 1,248 for the remaining five.
I still owe her 312 bonks.
Coincidentally, our figure for those first three years is the SAME as my (above) figure for FORTY years! But of course, THAT was based on that “average” couple who would only have done it 360 times, during their first three years.
So where does all of this leave us?
Well, if you bonk in moderation, for decades, the principle falls apart – but if you rut like rabbits as me and my lady did, it actually holds TRUE!
Today, our love is as strong as ever – and I still find her as attractive as ever. But our relationship began when I was 48 (with over 100 previous sexual partners) and she was 33 (with a declared 6) – and so we just WENT for it. As a result of which, we are now F***ED OUT.
Additionally, 2,808 bonks – plus maybe another 2,200 from a couple of wives, several long-term relationships, a number of shorter ones and some one-night-stands – equals FIVE THOUSAND couplings.
It is kinda hard (make that: difficult) to keep one’s interest up after that.
And then there are the number of times I made love with no woman being involved (at least, directly). Having pleasured myself regularly since I discovered THAT principle at about nine, said number must be in the neighbourhood of 15,000 (and that is a nice neighbourhood).
All of which means Captain Cucumber must have been used for purposes other than peeing – about TWENTY THOUSAND times, now. Phew!
And so, my lady now having lost enthusiasm for the act (and one cannot blame her, after 2,808 times) – and self-pleasuring limited to a frequency designed to keep the old chap functioning (use it or lose it: while women, contrary to popular belief, NEVER “dry up” – abstinence, in a man, will cause impotence in a few years) I find at sixty, my sex-life is on hold.
But we ARE planning on getting a “house-keeper” – so the Captain may yet find himself on duty once again…