Having kids is marvelous! You get the chance to mould a new life. You get to watch them as they take their first wobbly steps. Say their first words. Experience the World. Then they will evolve into model citizens and carry on your name. Kids – they enrich your life in every way.
Kids are a nightmare. First, they push the woman’s body out of shape and it NEVER recovers. And never MIND what her raging hormones do to your relationship. Then they are born, causing the woman EXCRUCIATING pain (the phrase “like passing a bowling ball” springs to mind) and spend their first weeks constantly crying – FORGET about SLEEP. Then they hit the Terrible Twos – at which point they’re into EVERYTHING. It’s like having MONKEYS in your home. Then comes school. At this point, you think things will get easier, but NO! You have to worry about peer pressure – will they get involved with crime? Drugs? If they do, YOU will get the blame. Then they become teens – at which point, their body-clocks are telling them to go out and get laid, find a partner and raise MORE kids. Which was fine for cave-people – they only lived to 36. But your kids have several years of further education to go through. And even if they drop out, who’s going to rent them a flat or give them a job to afford it, when they’re only 14? Which means they’ll feel CONFINED – and REBEL. Suddenly, your taste in clothes, music, etc. – is absurd. Your ideals, views and moral standards are ridiculous. Then finally, they DO leave and the only time you’ll see them is when they want MONEY – or their laundry done – which will be often.
And during all of this time, you will have lost all of your friends. No-one wants to come and have a drink with you in a houseful of kids. And if you go OUT – what chance you’ll return to a smoking RUIN? And forget about sex. If they see or even HEAR you getting frisky… Then there’s COST. Not only do kids cost money, but once you’ve had them, one of you is going to have to give up work. This means double the outgoing – and HALF the INCOME. Oh sure, once they go to school, the woman (or man, if she earns more – and he can handle being a “house-husband”) can get a little part-time job, right? Except that no employer will tolerate you arriving late, leaving early and taking 15 weeks holiday every year. Which leaves you with “home-work”. Only then, you realize it’s a sellers’ market – with Third-World-level wages. You’ll be lucky to make $1 an hour. All of which means that when Johnny wants the latest must-have toy he’s seen on TV, YOU won’t be able to AFFORD it. Then there are holidays. Hard enough to arrange for two adults – but for a family?
Plus all of the above assumes perfect health. Now granted, medical tech has achieved a lot in recent years but there’s still the possibility you’ll end up with a kid with “special needs”. And they WON’T be leaving home when they finish school – assuming they can get INTO school in the first place. And what of safety? Creepy middle-aged guys, home appliances, bicycles – fireworks. You cannot protect them 24/7 without stifling them. But if they DO fall prey to the dangers of the World…
Which is why these days, smarter people are choosing to remain DINKYs (Double-Income, No Kids Yet) while trailer-trash types just assume you MUST have kids – and pop ’em out like peas. I once saw a movie whose premise was that in a hundred years time, if this trend continued, the World would be populated by MORONS. It could HAPPEN!
So where does this leave YOU? Well, if you already have kids, it’s too late (despite Roe v. Wade, doctors won’t terminate kids who’ve started school) but if not, THINK. If the first part of this rant sounds attractive enough for you to ignore the second part, then GO for it. But if not – forget about your parents. They may want grand-children, but they don’t have to RAISE them. Let ’em adopt a Third-World kid. Or get a dog. And forget the TV ads – they are SELLING stuff to families, so will present a rosy picture of them. Plus, The System just wants you to be conventional.
This writer had a kid. And he turned out great. But HE doesn’t want kids. Maybe he’s smarter than his Dad…